Valentine's Gift Ideas for a gay dad

 

With Valentine's Day fast approaching, I thought I would list a couple of ideas for presents that I would have on my wishlist in case it helps give you inspiration to buy gifts for the special person in your life. 

Now, anyone who knows me knows that I am candle-mad and always have a range of candles around the house. Sadly, my obsession does not simply feature budget brands. I do love Diptyque candles, and they do carry a hefty price tag. However, they smell incredible, and I somehow manage to make them last quite a while, so I find them good value for money. If I am splurging on one of these candles, then I do my best to buy them in SpaceNK, as then I can collect points that I can trade in for other luxury goodies to spoil myself. 

My favourite scent is Feu de Bois, which literally translates to wood fire. It has a deep, rich, smoky scent as though you are sat by a log burner or open fire. I love how the scent lingers in the room, and it is perfect for those dark, dreary February nights curled up on the couch with a box set. At £58 its not a cheap purchase, but its a treat on a special occasion and definitely worth it. 

Now, my other obsession is skincare, and I do love treating myself to a range of lotions and potions to try and fight the signs of ageing. No need to comment to let me know whether or not I am wasting my money. 

I used to travel internationally regularly for work, and I was introduced to Summer Fridays and their jetlag mask, which is like a thick moisturiser to use at night and leave on. It's rich, creamy and ideal after a hot bath to make skin feel really moist and soft.

Traveling, I would carry a small tube of this (£26) in my carry-on luggage, along with other travel essentials, and it always made me feel refreshed after a long-haul flight. At home I have the large tube (£49) and I have had the same tube for almost a year and a little goes a long way.

Again, I always buy this in SpaceNK to collect points and use them for more goodies, and when I am in the shop, I always ask if they can throw in some samples of new products for me to try. The sales staff are always so generous with their samples and freebies. Plus, the idea of a freebie does make spending quite a bit on a cream worthwhile. 

Finally, the way to my heart is via stationery, and I have a large range of diaries, notebooks and other office paraphernalia. Too much if you ask some people. But my absolute favourite has got to be Papier and their range of notebooks. The style of the books combined with the quality of the paper are second to none. Now, if I was treating myself to a Valentine's gift, then I would definitely consider the monogrammed leather-bound notebooks, but at £50, they are not cheap. The cheaper range is simply cheaper in price but not in quality, and my go-to is usually the hard-backed and lined notebooks that are usually around £22, which I do not think is too bad for a statement notebook. Plus, if you sign up for their newsletter (then unsubscribe later), you can get 10% off your first order.  I love their two-tone books as they look unique, and people often ask where they are from when I am out and about. 

If all else fails and you are running out of time to buy a Valentine's gift, then be sure to simply grab a nice bottle of wine, some nice chocolates or other goodies that you can share with your loved one. In the comments, why not let me know what your favourite Valentine's treats are? And when it comes, I hope your Valentine's is spent with special people and is filled with love. 

Five Birthday gift ideas under £20 for a 7 year old

 

I cannot believe that my son is going to be 7 at the end of the month! 7! Where has the time gone? I am not sure about you, but kids are growing up so quickly these days, and all they want is technology, and this is a subject area that I am constantly battling with. I know it can be so beneficial to kids to learn but at the same time, there are so many dangers out there with technology not to mention the amount of crap content on platforms like YouTube, Tik Tok and the like. 

This year, I have found turning seven to be a bit of a challenge when it comes to deciding on a birthday present. It is a sort of funny in-between age when kids are beginning to develop their own personalities, tastes, and preferences, not to mention aspiring to be more mature than they really are. Not to mention Christmas hasn't long passed and he got so many great gifts then. 

My son is very popular at school and has been invited to several Birthday parties, and I always find choosing gifts quite the challenge, and I often contemplate what to buy then panic buy at the last minute. With lots of parties throughout the year, it can also be quite costly.  So, I have noted five quick and easy gifts under or around £20 that we have gifted in the past and that have been well received. I have posted links also - and these are not affiliate links so I do not get any commission should you click through. I am still learning how to set that all up so any guidance would be welcome. 

I hope this little list helps you with your kid's gift dilemmas. Please comment with any further suggestions that you may have as I always love to hear other creative ideas. 

Arts and Crafts

I've really noticed that Ryan's interest in arts and crafts has bloomed in the last few months and he is keen on colouring, painting, playing with clay, etc. and for Christmas, he got quite a lot of craft activity sets. I find The Works fantastic for craft activity sets and they always have deals on such as 2 for £15.  My son is obsessed with dinosaurs and he just cannot get enough of them so when we were in The Works recently buying a gift for one of his friends, we just had to buy this WoodWorx T-Rex kit for an absolute steal at £12. 

not only do you have to build it you also have to paint it, and although we tried to encourage Ryan to copy the colours on the box his own creativity took over and he did it his own way. 

Board games

Growing up, I remember playing a variety of board games with my parents and spending an entire rainy afternoon eating snacks and laughing. I think this is where my competitiveness came from, as I am now very competitive and determined, not to mention a sore loser. 

B&M stock a great range of games that are suitable for all the family to enjoy and they are always a good price too. Some childhood games including Buck-a-roo, Kerplunk and Mousetrap, plus Guess Who have been welcome gifts that have brought hours of fun and laughter. Now and again B&M have great deals including two for one or two for £12. 

Reading books

I feel really lucky that my son loves reading and is very competent in it. One of his favourite times of day is his bedtime story. Over the past year, I have noticed that he is the one reading the story, and I am simply listening to him and correcting him where he may be making mistakes or where he perhaps hasn't come across the word before. His confidence has soared, and he thrives on praise for tackling challenging words. I want to continue to build on his reading skills, and I love a day out at the charity shop buying new books for us to read together. 

My love for the bargains that can be found in The Works continues to grow and I can always be guaranteed to find a decent bargain or excellent birthday present for the many parties my son is invited to.  Currently, there are box sets of the Diary of a Wimpy Kid 8 book set, and Pokemon 15 book set that are a steal at only £15.

Day out experience

If you are looking at picking up something a bit different as a present, I always find vouchers for days out are worthwhile or vouchers for somewhere you know kids love to go. We recently received vouchers for soft play, and during the winter when the weather has been awful and in January when everyone is a bit tight for cash to spend, using these vouchers has been a total lifesaver.  We received vouchers for Wonder World as it's the soft play we go to most. Vouchers can be bought in amounts ranging from £10 to £100 and can be spent on entry, food and drinks too.  I'd always recommend vouchers if you are not too sure what to get, as they can always be used on a rainy day.

I hope you find these gift ideas useful, and if you have any suggestions, then please feel free to share them in the comments as let's face it, parents are always keen to receive tips and ideas for presents. 

My Adoption Story - 1

 

Why Adoption?

When we decided to proceed with the adoption process, we spent a lot of time discussing why I wanted to adopt and, why I was so determined to adopt. It wasn't something I had thought about in-depth and so there were a lot of questions that I didn't think I had answers to:

1. Why did I want to adopt?
2. Where did the idea come from?
3. Had I considered other ways to become a parent?
4. Did I understand what I was getting into?
5. Did I consider anyone else's thoughts on this?

Reflecting on these questions really gave me food for thought. All I can say is that I had this inbuilt impulse that adoption was definitely for me and that I would somehow succeed in adopting a child. I had long chats with my mum, who remembers me as a young teenager, about adoption being something I wanted to do, but she kind of brushed it off as a typical teenage fleeting idea. Then, we never really discussed it again until much further along in my journey.

I remember seeing news images of Eastern European orphanages on the TV when I was young and feeling an immense sense of sadness for these poor children left without parents and in such horrid conditions. Perhaps that had an influence on me. Who knows.

Living in China for more than ten years, I spent a lot of time googling and reading about adoption and learning about countries that allowed LGBT people to adopt internationally as well as learning about the adoption process in the UK. Much of the information was scaremongering and off-putting, but I read on and learned more and more.  Fewer and fewer international countries were allowing LGBT people to adopt internationally, which was rather disheartening. I think because I was fairly settled living in China, international adoption was where I began my research into options.

I'm not someone for setting robust life goals and then freaking out if I don't make those goals, but I do like to sort of plan out the things I would like to achieve, do or have by a certain age. And I had ingrained it in my mind that I would like to be a dad by 40! I was living life to the fullest in China, travelling all over East and South East Asia for work, partying, and generally having the time of my life. 40 seemed far enough away to allow me to have a goal but far enough away not to deal with it just yet. 

By 2012, I was 33 and life in China had changed; many friends had left, and I started to think about moving home and settling down. As Much as I had looked at flights home, I was reluctant to take the plunge. I needed to find a job and a place to live, sort out my partner's visa and then look into adoption from within the UK. By this time, I hadn't found any countries that were allowing LGBT people to adopt, so if I was going to do this, then it was going to be a child or children from within the UK.

I also thought a lot about the questions above and how I would answer them if ever asked. 

1. Why did I want to adopt? 

This one was easy. I longed to be a dad, have a child/ children and provide them with a loving home and lots of happiness growing up. It felt natural to want to be a parent. Being gay meant that my options were limited and I didn't feel comfortable with surrogacy as I didn't want any ties to birth mums, plus I didn't want to ask a friend to carry for me. 

2. Where did the idea come from?

To be honest, I don't think I will ever be able to answer this question other than it came from a combination of information, TV and media, thoughts and feelings as I grew up and realised I was gay, and that it just felt the right route for me to take. 

I didn't know anyone growing up who had been adopted, or maybe I did, but during the 80s and 90s, it wasn't really as openly talked about, as with many things at the time. I had a clear idea that I didn't need to bring another child into the world when there were already so many children growing up in challenging circumstances who needed genuine love and a happy home. 

3. Had I considered other ways to become a parent?

While in China and reading about how LGBT people typically had families, I researched and considered adoption and surrogacy mostly, as these are the most documented. From the outset, the idea of surrogacy just didn't really appeal to me and so it wasn't an option I pursued or researched for long. 

Adoption felt like the right option fairly early on and it was fairly easy to confirm that when the time was right, it would be adoption that would be explored further. 

4. Did I understand what I was getting into?

Absolutely no way I fully understood what I was getting into, what the process would entail, how long it might take, what the risks and challenges would be, and how it would be an absolute emotional roller coaster.  I was more focused on the end goal of becoming a parent and just approached adoption with the mindset that I would just get through the stages and then become a dad. 

I was raised to believe if someone else can do it, then so can you - all it takes is hard work and grave determination. I know that is not 100% true, but it was a mindset my mum instilled in me as a child to ensure that I never felt incapable or that someone was better than me. It has given me the strength and willpower to do so much in my life to date, and I hope it's something I can instil in Ryan.

What I had read and researched to date was so stratified in its position and at the very extremes, that it was often off-putting, terrifying and to some extent unbelievable. 

5. Did I consider anyone else's thoughts on this?

Being an only child, I have always been comfortable making decisions for myself. I have always been fairly steadfast and strong-willed, and so deep down, I knew that I would embark on the adoption process and journey and face my fate. I hadn't really discussed it much with friends as I didn't want anyone to try and put me off. Of course, I discussed it with my partner, who was pro-adoption but lacked information and knowledge and, therefore, was a little apprehensive. 

Beginning the Process

I moved back to the UK from China in 2013, and my partner finally got to the UK in 2014. We spent several years working hard, enjoying our new life, catching up with friends and coasting along. It wasn't until late 2016, after we managed to buy our first house in the UK that I had the idea of adoption once again crept into the forefront of my mind and I began to make contact with a range of organisations that help with adoption and this is where the journey really did start. 

I'd love to hear from you in the comments any details of your own adoption journey, or parenting journey and I would be happy to answer any questions you may have so please feel free to reach out. If you've just stumbled across this blog then feel free to learn more about me and hopefully you like what you read and you'll subscribe or follow me on socials 

New Year's Resolutions and Goals for 2025 and Beyond.

 

Reflections

I've spent a lot of my life prioritising doing things that make others happy and in doing so I have found myself to often be unhappy, tired and running out of time for me. 2024 was an extremely challenging year for several reasons:

• I was in a very high-pressured job that demanded long hours, global travel and far too much internal politics. 
• I had to pause my doctoral studies due to work and family life demands and a lack of ability to focus on writing
• We had a full extension and a new kitchen completed, which caused absolute upheaval 
• self-doubt, self-sabotage and juggling conflicting priorities and always feeling like I was missing out on something 

Reflecting on the year gone by, I began to realise that I wasn't just tired, but burnout and needing to reset and reconsider my work-life balance going forward. I was used to working very long hours in constant meetings and fighting my corner, juggling running a busy house including school run, clubs, play dates, homework, shopping, etc, not to mention fitting in time to spend with family and friends.  It was only when I really stopped that the tiredness hit me, and luckily, the Christmas and New Year break didn't consist of many plans.

My most recent work contract ended just before Christmas, and this allowed me to really switch off over the holidays, rest and relax, and spend time being a dad whilst also thinking about what 2025 might have in store for me. Spending time being me and just relaxing, cooking, eating, reflecting on the year gone past and thinking about what I want for the year ahead, it took me almost two weeks to really switch off, plan accordingly for 2025 and feel excited about the year ahead rather than apprehensive about uncertainty.

What and where was my next job going to be?

How could I ensure a better work/ life balance in my next role?

What family activities could I plan for 2025?

How could I eat more healthily, feel more healthily and lose some weight?

What could I change to prioritise the doctorate to get it complete by September/ October 2025?

Goals vs Resolutions

For me, I feel that resolutions can often be unrealistic and hard to achieve and are more aspirations rather than realistic possibilities. I much prefer setting goals and targets that I can plan towards and work towards, measuring progress towards that goal. I wonder if that's because I work in a commercial environment. It's easy to say, "I want to lose weight," but without a detailed plan, it is unlikely to happen to the extent it is wished. 

While I have some time off to really think about goals and changes I want to make, I wanted to consider all areas of my life as having carefully thought about the year gone past, it was clear that all aspects of my life had been impacted by my lifestyle and ways of living. So have a look at the goals I have set for myself below, the areas of my life these will impact, and how I hope these goals will deliver positive change. Let me know what you think in the comments section.

Work life

With my work contract having come to an end, I must find a new job as soon as I can as life in the UK is ridiculously expensive and increasingly so. But also, having recently built a huge house extension and installed a new kitchen, some debts need to be paid off. Plus raising a child is also expensive, and I have a champagne taste on a lemonade budget sometimes. 

I have been working in higher education for almost twenty years, and it's an area in which I would like to further my career and hopefully climb the ladder through promotions. It is also a sector almost on its knees as government funding reduces and budgets are increasingly squeezed, making new job openings fewer and farther between. I am discussing several possible options, which are giving me the confidence to embrace my time off rather than worry about finances just yet. Stay tuned for an update and reach out with any opportunities. 

Studies

I am completing a professional doctorate - Doctor of Education (EdD) part-time, and it's something that I have had a love-hate relationship with, mainly down to trying to complete it whilst needing to work full time. I am researching how neoliberalism and the marketisation of higher education may be impacting academic identities and how they professionally perceive themselves. 

When I have time for my research I absolutely love it and my ideal situation would be to have a detailed plan of what needs to be done to complete the thesis and submit it, in the hopes that this plan will give me the tools to plan what to do with the research going forward. I started the doctorate as it is something that can be extremely beneficial, if not required to gain a senior management role at a university, but I have always wanted to gain my doctorate. 

My final submission date is 1st October 2025 so time is running out but I am confident that I can submit in time. I will continue to update from time to time on here so that I am kept accountable to meet my completion date. 

Blogging

As I wrote about in the About section of the blog, I have attempted to keep a blog going several times but have not done so. I really enjoy writing and I would like to develop my writing skills and possibly advance a career where publishing is involved. This could come from the doctorate or blogging, or not at all.  Anyway, I have started the blog again and I have a detailed plan that will hopefully help keep me on track to maintain this blog and enjoy doing so. My aim is to post at least once weekly, but possibly more if time permits so let's see how I do.  

I am online daily and read a lot of web-based literature and I am keen to develop and hone my blogging and social media marketing skills and knowledge so that dad-hoc can be a success. I'd like to be able to connect with other bloggers and collaborate, build dad-hoc's voice, build its audience and see where it could lead. 

Parenting 

With 2024 being hectic, I have spent a lot of time working long hours and travelling overseas, meaning I have been away from home and parenting duties. I have had conflicting feelings about that - parental guilt.  Having said that, I have also overcompensated in 2024 by organising so many activities, play dates and days away as a family to spend quality time together and feel better about the parenting things I have missed out on. 

In 2025, I am hoping that my son can continue to enjoy going to school, seeing his friends and developing his educational knowledge. I am also keen to help him explore a range of creative activities when the weather in Scotland is crap and explore outdoor places when it's dry and even sunny.  He has shown real interest in crafts and, more recently, a keenness to explore cooking. I am hoping that some of these activities can be shared here to help you gain some ideas to do with your own families. 

With YouTube being banned in the house as it is pointless watching full constant dopamine hits, my son is now watching cartoons with plots, films and series and he can talk about the plot, and the characters and engage in what's going on. And I want to continue to watch meaningful TV and films with him. 

Health  

Lastly, but not in terms of importance, is health, and I want to really improve my health and well-being in 2025 so that my stress levels remain low, my blood pressure reduces, my fitness levels improve, and perhaps shed a few kilos wouldn't go a miss.  Running from task to task and place to place all through 2024 definitely saw my stress levels increase and my patience wear thin, leading me to feel less happy than I could be.  Having realised this and having some time off now, I can develop better routines to ensure that my planning is better and that I don't need to feel as stressed. 

I love cooking, and I plan to cook more, expand my knowledge of different foods, ingredients and flavours and ensure that what I eat is healthier and less processed. In the last year, travelling extensively in South Asia for work, I have been able to try a range of delicious flavours, buy spices and learn recipes to make authentic South Asian food, and I cannot wait to continue to make more of these recipes at home. My son has even developed a palette for spicy curries and similar. I will share some of these recipes here on the blog and hopefully, you can try them out too. 

When I have been extremely busy and working long hours, I have been neglecting my water intake and prioritising caffeine intake and I want this to change so that I am better hydrated and feeling healthier. I aim to get back into the habit of using My Fitness Pal to track food intake as well as calorie intake, monitor water intake and also track steps daily and build up my daily step counts.  

Hopefully, you will subscribe and enjoy reading the blog and comment on the blog and socials whilst also sharing your own experiences and providing tips and advice that you think may help me. I am determined to give these goals my all and do my best to be able to look back on them at the end of 2025 and feel like I have achieved something. 

Let me know in the comments if you have set any resolutions or goals yourself, and let's support one another to make these a reality. Thanks for reading.